The day-job, children, housework, food shopping, socialising – even if you still have some energy at the end of the day, you might not find time for sex. And planned sex doesn’t seem an appealing prospect, right?
It’s true that being pressed for time rarely makes for a great sexual experience. Checking your watch beforehand (or during) is a mood-killer for you and your partner, and if one of you feels like it’s a chore to be ‘done’ rather than a shared experience to be enjoyed, neither of you will be having a good time. Time pressures mean more stress, so even if you’re not diagnosed with a condition like erectile dysfunction (ED), you may find it difficult to get an erection if you feel like you’re against the clock.
Finding and ED treatment that works for you and your lifestyle is important. Even if you’ve found the treatment, not finding the time could mean your sex life is still sub-par. When medicine is involved, everything can feel more complicated.
The problem: running out
Not knowing when you’re going to be intimate with your partner could mean that you don’t have your treatment at hand when you want it. That reminder to reorder your prescription hasn’t worked and the cupboard is bare.
One solution here is a bigger pack size. See if you’re suitable for a larger pack size of your chosen medicine, or consider a subscription that delivers your treatment regularly without you needing to reorder.
The problem: you’ve overindulged
Perhaps you’ve been out for a heavy meal or had a couple of glasses of wine more than planned. Unexpectedly, the opportunity to have sex presents itself, but you know that your treatment won’t work on a full stomach or if you’ve been drinking.
Practising moderation is a good rule of thumb by which to live a healthy life, but we all want to indulge sometimes – knowing whether it’s going to impact on the rest of your evening’s activities can help guide your consumption. And for that, a little planning can be a very helpful thing.
But how do you make planned sex fun? When it’s an appointment in the diary next to ‘take cat to vet’, can it be thrilling?
The answer is, yes. It might sound counterintuitive, but planning sex can make it more fun and enjoyable, whether or not you’re living with ED – but if you are, it could mean a dramatic improvement to your sex life. Why not try these tips:
Make planning part of the foreplay
Looking forward to something often means that when it arrives you appreciate it more – consider the anticipation you feel before a holiday or a special event. Take time to plan with your partner, with both of your diaries to hand and no need to rush. Enjoy talking about how often you want to be intimate, the activities you each enjoy when you’re in the bedroom (or elsewhere), and even the things you’d like to try.
Make foreplay part of the plan
However ready you feel once you’ve taken your ED medicine, your partner needs to be wooed and feel physically ready as well. Ensuring that you’ve planned enough time for foreplay increases the anticipation, means you’re both physically aroused, and gives your treatment enough time to work (you can’t always set your watch by it).
Protect your plan
Don’t attempt to plan around events, it’ll only stress you both as much as it did before. Make sure there’s nothing else going on that evening / lunchtime / morning and that neither of you will be late (or watching the clock). If you’re invited out and have to decline, why not agree on a particular phrase you’ll both use – try “We have plans for that evening” or simply say “That’s our date night”. Savour the twinkle in one another’s eyes thinking ahead to the details of what you have planned. It will add a frisson of excitement.
Schedule in some surprises
If there’s an activity you particularly enjoy, whether that’s oral sex, role playing, dirty talk or gently holding one another after climax, write these on pieces of paper and keep them in a box near the bed. When your chosen time comes around, pull one or two of the ideas out and incorporate them into your time together. While you will know what’s in the box as you’ve both contributed to it – also a sexy way of making planning fun – you won’t know what’s going to come up on any given day.
Cook a delicious (light) meal
Instead of feeling as though you have to deprive yourself, make your lunch or dinner a special treat (but a light one). Ensuring that you are eating and drinking right that day, particularly in the few hours before you plan to be intimate, will ensure that your treatment has the best chance to work effectively. Seafood, fresh pasta or a lovingly prepared selection plate featuring some of your favourite nibbles could be a good place to start. Remember, you can always enjoy a midnight snack.
Make taking your ED medicine part of the mood setting
Whatever atmosphere you’ve both agreed to create, make setting the scene and taking your medicine part of the same activity. Lighting candles, putting on music and getting more comfortable can be combined with taking your treatment – it’s all part of getting ready.
Whether you’re taking an ED pill or using an ED cream, don’t feel you have to hide in the bathroom to do so or conceal what you’re doing. Harsh lighting and a chilly floor don’t make anyone feel particularly sensual – it’s nothing to be ashamed of. The more relaxed you are, the better time you’ll have.
Remember, talking openly about sex and your ED can make you and your partner feel more relaxed, which leads to better sex. If you and your partner feel comfortable, your treatment can become part of the sexual experience and could even make it more exciting.