Let’s face it, sex should never be stressful – and that applies even when it’s a completely new sexual experience. However, when you’re planning first time sex with a new partner being intimate can sometimes feel like a totally intimidating prospect (hint: it’s totally normal to feel like this, too). Just remember, there are a few simple strategies you can adopt to help things go a little smoother and take the pressure off in the bedroom if you’re worried about what to expect.
Here are our suggestions:
1. Don’t have unrealistic expectations
It’s wise not to expect an amazing experience if you’re preparing for first time sex or sex with a new partner because really, it can be painful and awkward until you both discover what works for you. Remember that sex improves the more you get to know one another so try to have fun, take it slow and explore each other’s bodies when you’re in the early stages.
2. Talk to your partner
Talking things through in detail can help reduce anxieties, leading to better sex. Try discussing sexual history, plus how to share joint responsibility for contraception and protection. Although these might sound like difficult topics to cover, being open with your partner is the best way to ensure you’re both on the same page before being intimate.
First-time sex with a new partner can of course be nerve-wracking and awkward. Taking deep breaths or focusing on your partner’s breathing patterns as you have sex may help you feel less tense and closer to one another.
4. Enjoy foreplay
If you’re not relaxed and aroused, sex is likely to be uncomfortable and painful. Massages, music and candles can help set the mood, but you should also make sure that you prioritise foreplay in the bedroom (if it works for you, of course), and try not to frame penetrative sex as the main focus. Lubricants and experimenting with various sex toys is also a good idea once you feel more comfortable with each other. And if you’re still finding it difficult to have sex after a number of times, there may be emotional reasons or underlying anxieties that are to blame. Speak to a sex therapist or GP, or head to a sexual health (GUM) clinic for a referral to get to the root of the problem.
5. Understand each other’s anxieties (and bodies)
Women may find it hard to lubricate naturally when not relaxed. Men may find that premature ejaculation or difficulty maintaining an erection is more common with a new partner. Just be prepared to reassure each other whatever happens in the bedroom and know that each human body is wired differently. What you’ve seen in porn can often be unrealistic and exaggerated. Also what you might expect, based on prior experiences, may not be what you get in real life – and that’s totally fine. If you keep working at it together, you should achieve a sex life which satifises you both.
For advice and information visit LloydsPharmacy Online Doctor to begin a premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction free assessment. You can also get confidential online consultation for sexual health concerns.