The ‘not tonight, dear, I’ve got a headache’ stereotype is one that has endured mainly because it has some truth to it. However, it’s not just women who sometimes want to avoid sex. Men do it too – it’s just talked about less because of the ‘macho myth’ that men constantly think about sex.
Research has found that 60% of men have told their partner they are too tired for sex, while nearly half have said they were not in the mood. The truth is that there’s often an underlying problem and reasons like tiredness can be an excuse for something else.
We take a look at some of the reasons why men avoid sex and discuss what you can do to resolve bedroom issues.
It’s not something that’s easy to bring up, especially with your partner, but most men suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in their lives. It can be caused by a number of factors but one that adds to the issue is stress. It can become a vicious circle with a single incident snowballing into a lengthy worry as you become stressed about being able to perform.
How to resolve this: Talking with your partner is key. In fact, this can be applied to pretty much all the problems we talk about here. We know it can be difficult to bring this subject up, but it will take the pressure off you, especially when you realise how supportive your partner is. If things persist, there is medication you can take to help with the problem.
It is important to get checked for possible physical causes of erectile dysfunction, such as type 2 diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol and hormonal problems.
It’s a bit of a myth that men like to get in, do their thing and get out without considering the women. If it was true, then they wouldn’t be worrying about premature ejaculation. But it is a concern for a number of men. And many of them find it an embarrassing situation – wrongly relating it to lack of experience or poor bedroom skills.
How to resolve this: Again, talk through your problems with your partner. Ask them to take it slow and maybe even stop if you think you’re getting close to climax. Certain positions could also help. Again, if the problem continues you could consider Premature Ejaculation Treatments.
When your partner asks you if you’re in the mood for love, that mood is not stressed. If you’ve got other things constantly weighing on your mind, you’re not likely to be in the right frame of mind to make love to your partner. Stress can also affect your body, making you tired and lethargic.
How to resolve this: You’ve guessed it – talk it through. If you’re still stressed try to rearrange your sexual timetable so you’re less stressed when the mood arises. Keep the room calm with low lighting and music. You could even take it out of the bedroom and into the bath to double the calming effects.
One of the main causes of stress can be relationship worries. If your stress is related to work, getting home to your partner and indulging in some intimate love making might be just what you need. However, if your stress stems from your partner, sex may well be off the cards. Worries can come in many forms from whether you are still attracted to each other, to has the relationship become stale or worries over infidelity.
How to resolve this: Be open and honest. It might be that your relationship is past its time and it’d be better if you both moved on. Or, your worries could be totally unfounded. If you’re both stuck in a rut, try spicing things up. You don’t have to go crazy but maybe some flowers and a bit of effort and imagination could help you get the magic back.
Yes, we know that tiredness is used as a catch-all excuse, but it’s also worth remembering that sex is a physical act. In fact, an average session (whatever that entails) can burn off as many calories as a 30-minute jog. If you’re getting over surgery, have not been well or are just generally out of shape, the thought of going for a 30 minute run might not float your boat.
How to resolve this: If you’re tired from too much exercise, try to alternate your trips to the gym with your nights in the bedroom. In fact, you could replace a gym activity with sex. Otherwise, you might consider some less strenuous sexual activities and positions. Start slow and build up. You don’t even need to engage in full sex – just a little foreplay.